im drinking this country out of the recession.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
