there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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