Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
