I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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