its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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