you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
