The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
