so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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