guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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