we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
