I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
