wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
