then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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