we made out on top of his cat.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
