That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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