Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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