Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
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you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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