I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
