Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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