First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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