Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i love accidental penises.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
