one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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