can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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