I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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