We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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