I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize