I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
