I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
