Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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