I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
