Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
