Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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