was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
