Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
