drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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