I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
