doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
