Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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