There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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