hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize
