Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we're making bets on your personal life
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
