Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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