i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
