I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize