I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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