in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
