theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
