and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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