I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
