...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
