i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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