Duck Duck Cougar?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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