This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
