I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
