Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
