Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
