Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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