nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
that's an acceptable place to lick
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
