do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
