i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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