this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
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So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.