Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
