my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!