They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.