It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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