I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.