I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday