Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.