If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain