i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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