no, he came in my armpit
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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