you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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