Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
