WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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