He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
