haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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