Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
