party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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